Whoohoo! It’s back to school for me.. hmm.. My sleep cycle is really whack now, need to work on it soon =/ means less late night raids and more regular sleep times. rah…. Ya po tebe Soskuchilsia..

When you were here before,
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so fuckin’ special

But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I’m not around
You’re so fuckin’ special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She’s running out the door
She’s running out
She run run run run…
run…

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so fuckin’ special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t belong here…

 Damn.. I’ve developed pretty bad sleeping habits. Oh well.. I guess I won’t have the luxury of time and sleeping late coz I want to once I do enter University. Min was right, we do over look the things that we should be appreciative of in our lives. The friends, the home we come backto and the simple joys of roasting marshmellows over a dying fire.

*random*
Finding presents for people who you care about immensely is such a pain in the ass… coz nothing is ever good enough for her/him.

As the credits star roll I realise that I’m still having trouble finding closure… letting go of the feelings I have been trying to deny. Finding a gift that would say what I need to say is next to impossible if I can not be entirely honest. I’m afraid of losing what I never had in the first place and paralysed by the fear of the hurt that is a possibility. I would give the world for you… but I just don’t know how to tell you. I’m not even sure I can look you in the face after all that has happened and not scream in agony. Will I always have to bite my tongue and let things out of my control torture me? Or is it that I’m chasing a shadow that was never even meant to be cast by the light that shone for us throughout our friendship…. I need to find the peace to move on. For the sake of my sanity.

Why’d things get so complicated.

I am afraid that i will forget how to dream, outside these scholarly walls whose shelter i have grudgingly come to love. one day i might look up at the stars and fail to be moved by the wonder of it all. if i put my hand to the plough that i might harvest a masters degree, it cannot be denied that i do so also to deny the sale of my arms to the shackles of adulthood for the brevity of another year.

the thought itself is foolish. is is not said that when one is no longer a child, it becomes time to put one’s mind from childish things? so what is it that i am losing faith in - the soaring vision of maturity that might be mine, or myself? is the mild despair at the ditches we dig between ourselves currently numbing my soul to the marrow such that i might be too frugal with sowing the seeds for the years of golden happiness i cannot envision right now? what am i to do with that which i think God has planted it in my heart to do? why is it so hard to sieve out the gleaming truth from the clinging dross of the world?

-Quoted from a little blue penguin

It is the time where we grow into the  clothes that did not fit and leave behind the dreams and innocence of youth. In a sense I am glad that NS was a sort of Buffer for myself, to have a taste of what working with all sorts of people is like. Where there was wonder and apprehension now there is bitterness and weary. Where there were dreams there is now reality…

I’m desperately trying to hold on to my dreams and my belief in the generosity of the human heart… dreaming of changing the world with the friends that I have made and travel this journey beside. Ambition and wealth were secondary in the quest to do good, to better and to enjoy the world. I just never thought that it would feel this… lonely.

Yet… we shall not falter… no matter how the devil whispers insidious words in our ears… we shall never give up dreaming nor working to a better world. No matter how little hope(denial of reality though it may be), no matter how little strength we may posses. We will always be there walking beside you when you need us. That is my belief in friendship and that will never falter.

damn it sounds pretty naive, but hey… always look on the bright side right?

If it’s a broken part, replace it
But, if it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it’s a broken heart then face it

Being the person that I am… I like to solve problems and  fix things… but it seems this broken heart is the most elusive of all problems in the world. It’s been so long but yet the very memory of it still burns like a hot brand upon my heart.

And he said would you mind sittin’ down for a while
And talking to me,
I’m feeling a little low
She said I’m off in an hour and I know where we can go
….
So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don’t care
I got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you

This is a nice song I first heard at WalaWala,I’m not sure how it ended up playing on my iTunes today but the lyrics struck a cord with me. Will I ever be able to find a person to write letters to while I’m away. Hell… even if I was in the same country I’d write. Sometimes… I just make things too complicated for my own good then I only realise it too late. Smartypants.

the harder they fall.

well, that was one helleva time taking down Gruul. Wow… I think the last time I went to Gruul’s Lair was half a year ago. almost forgot what the wrong end of a “Grow 12″ hit looked like. Hehe… well, cheers to L.Exile and those who came with us for downing Gruul and especially gratz to Vambi in getting his 1st Epic in the form of T4 pants. Leecher. =D

So… My orginal idea was to have a new blog skin with a right/left brain theme… now that I’m sidetracked playing with PHP nuke and setting up the forums(which is going pretty well coincidentally), I will be using this simple blog skin a lil longer.

Reading through the previous posts I realised what had changed within my tiny cognitive organ. I had run out of interests to write about! There was once upon a time when I was facinated with alot of different things in life, from the enigmatic sciences to the beauty of dance. Then NS happened and I suddenly found myself with little time to do anything but play WoW and entertain the other half(Which I failed at miserably). It came to a point where I really had nothing much else on my mind and hence the great inertia involved in starting to write again. So here it begins… an attempt to once again struggle out of this muck and run in the wind once again.

An Intro to Aueralis.

A semi eccentric undergrad with a passion for gadgets and visual design, he does what he must because he can. With a healthly(debatable) interest in games and fantasy universes, he finds joy in all kinds of conversation ranging from political to why Mara Jade Skywalker had to die by Jacen’s hand. Being spiritually lost for most of his life, he has developed a respect for all things and choses not to judge people by what they believe but rather what they do. Currently a light weight, his attempts to build up have been foiled by the seductive callings of his covers.

Apart from the cyber life that he leads, he has a secret real life where he lives with the 2 women he loves the most - His Mum and Juno the Bitch(read: adorable lil puppy). he am currently bumming about in his fortress of solitude nestled in the shadow of Little Guilin, and looking forward to pursuing a Degree in Computer Engineering and Business in the secluded School of Chinese Scholars(Read: secluded School of Chinese scholars, NTU).

His current Vices are listening to podcasts, battling evil with his comrades of Last Exile, watching Chuck, playing with this site and having staring matches with his God Son Gen(Whom shall hence forth be known as GSG).

He wishes you enjoy his site and leave a mark(pref not the territory-marking kind, Juno wld get mad).

If I have not bored you enough yet read on for more.

A great influence in my life(Read: Mr.John Arthur Hunt) once had us write weekly journal entries in the form of emails to him… I guess this is what sparked off my interest in tapping away at the keyboard of a computer to digitise the thoughts that flow between my temples.

Z asked why people would start blogs like these. Some do it to chronical their lives and some do it as a manner of expression, a way to reach out to the world(mostly annonymous readers who stumble upon ur emo rants and offer u some words of sympathy and move on to the next blog… but I digress.) Some do it as a way to realise their journalistic dream. Some use it as a way to keep in contact with long lost friends.

Myself, I like to design and I like to write. I don’t do both very well… which is why it’s a damn hobby not a job. I write because I like to make plays on words, I believe that the only way I can improve and retain the dexterity I wish with words is to practice, to speak, to write. I dream to 1 day do a podcast with a like minded group of individuals to talk about anything under the sun! I tried recording my own voice but as much as I think I’m God’s gift to the world, it’s unbearably boring…

I got this site as conduit for my energies. I knew a lil bit about web site building and design and now after playing around with it I know alot more. It also serves as a host for the forums of my WoW guild Last Exile which I am proud to call myself a founding member of.

I also believe in having short attention spans and to talk less. Thus I shall add more tidbits as this site grows. meanwhile if you REALLY haven’t had enough of my ranting check out my archives or check out the link below.

More about me? Facebook <– For all you stalkers out there.

I seek… A reprise in fantasy. Of Heroes in shining armor and Demons to defeat. Valiant and righteous beings with a clear enemy and mission to achieve. These stories and games were supposed to be simple and straightforward, yet, it seems that the corruption spreads as long as there are people involved. Haha… Disappointing really.

But nonetheless, I have found inspiration amidst the darkness, my muse and my strength…  I shall create, just as I did before. This inertia and weariness shall be shaken off, the shackles cast aside.

 I shall seek beauty and solace in words.